♪ Tumble out of bed ♪ ♪ and I stumble to the kitchen ♪
♪ Pour myself ♪ ♪ a cup of ambition ♪
♪ And yawn and stretch ♪ ♪ and try to come to life ♪
♪ Jump in the shower ♪ ♪ and the blood starts pumpin ' ♪
♪ Out on the streets, ♪ ♪ the traffic starts jumpin ' ♪
♪ With folks like me ♪ ♪ on the job from nine to five ♪
♪ Workin ' nine to five ♪
♪ What a way to make a livin ' ♪
♪ Barely gettin ' by ♪
♪ It's all takin ' and no givin ' ♪
♪ They just use your mind ♪
♪ And they never give you credit ♪
♪ It's enough to drive you ♪ ♪ crazy if you let it ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪
♪ For service and devotion ♪
♪ You would think that I ♪
♪ Would deserve a fair promotion ♪
♪ Want to move ahead ♪
♪ But the boss ♪ ♪ won't seem to let me ♪
♪ I swear sometimes that man ♪ ♪ is out to get me ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ohh ♪
♪ They let you dream ♪ ♪ just to watch them shatter ♪
♪ You're just a step ♪ ♪ on the boss-man's ladder ♪
♪ But you've got dreams ♪ ♪ he'll never take away ♪
♪ You're in the same boat ♪ ♪ with a lot of your friends ♪
♪ Waitin ' for the day ♪ ♪ your ship will come in ♪
♪ And the tide's gonna turn ♪
♪ And it's all gonna roll your way ♪
♪ Workin ' nine to five ♪
♪ What a way to make a livin ' ♪
♪ Barely gettin ' by ♪
♪ It's all takin ' and no givin ' ♪
♪ They just use your mind ♪
♪ And you never get the credit ♪
♪ It's enough to drive you ♪ ♪ crazy if you let it ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪
♪ Yeah, they've got you ♪ ♪ where they want you ♪
♪ There's a better life ♪
♪ And you think about it, don't you? ♪
♪ It's a rich man's game ♪
♪ No matter what they call it ♪
♪ And you spend your life ♪
♪ Puttin ' money in his wallet ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪
♪ What a way to make a livin ' ♪
♪ Barely gettin ' by ♪
♪ It's all takin ' and no givin ' ♪
♪ They just use your mind ♪
♪ And they never give you credit ♪
♪ It's enough to drive you ♪ ♪ crazy if you let it ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
But, Norman, she has never worked in her life before.
I thought you'd be sympathetic.
I am sympathetic, but, please,
why do I have to train her?
Let her work in someone else's section.
She's willing and needs the job.
She's recently divorced.
I'm a widow with four kids.
Jerry should never have died.
I'd be better off. I could've divorced him.
Is that her?
Yes.
We're going to need a special locker for the hat.
This way.
This is quite a day for me. I'll bet it is.
I was so excited, I left an hour early so I wouldn't be late.
It took 45 minutes to find parking.
We park inside the building.
I just moved to an apartment near the airport.
Ah.
Hey, Violet, what it is?
Hi, Eddie.
What do you hear about your promotion?
Nothing now. Uh, Eddie Smith...
Judy Bernly.
Judy starts work today.
What?
How will I ever get out of this mail room prison
if they keep hiring from outside?
Lady, you're going to hate it here.
Judy.
Okay. Now, we're on the 12th floor.
Above us is the executive suite,
where the president, Mr. Hinkle, is and the chairman of the board.
It sounds so big.
It is. I've been here 12 years.
I've never even seen the chairman of the board.
12 years? All I've done is be a housewife.
I wanted to ask you about my salary.
That's a very touchy subject around here.
You'll have to take that up
with our boss Mr. Hart.
Oh, I'm sorry. It's all so new.
You'll get the hang of it.
Then you'll really be sorry.
Come on.
Well, welcome to the front lines.
[VIOLET] Uh-oh. Here comes General Patton.
Violet, just a moment.
Come on.
Uh, just a moment.
Violet?
Oh, yes, Roz. So sorry.
I've been meaning to talk to you about Mr. Hart's rules on office decor.
They seem to be getting lax in your section.
Really? How?
I've typed it up here.
"No coffee cups on the desks.
"No personal items left in view‒
"photos...
plants, et cetera."
We mustn't look cluttered or sloppy. Mm-mmm.
An office that...
looks efficient is efficient, looks efficient is efficient,
as Mr. Hart says. As Mr. Hart says.
Oh, hello.
Judy Bernly, Roz Keith, Mr. Hart's administrative assistant.
Judy is starting today.
It's nice to meet you.
Welcome to Consolidated. I hope you enjoy it.
We're all a happy bunch.
I think so.
Put this on the bulletin board.
I know just where to stick it.
Judy, if there's anything I can do to help you settle in,
just drop on by. Thank you.
One thing you should know about dear Roz‒
she's the eyes, ears, nose, and throat of Mr. Hart.
Anything she hears, he hears. She's a company spy?
Shh! I wouldn't say that.
If you gossip in the ladies' room,
check under the stalls for her shoes.
Happy birthday, Myra.
She and Roz are like this.
This section's divided into three zones,
each with a supervisor.
As senior, the other two supervisors report to me.
I report to Mr. Hart. That's his office there. He was just made vice president.
I've never seen anyone leapfrog so fast.
I have the bad back to prove it.
Margaret, anything serious?
Nothing so far.
Uh-huh.
Margaret, please. Roz is on my case.
Sorry.
I remember when he was just a management trainee.
In fact, I'm the one who trained him.
What's he like?
I like to think, Judy,
if there is a word
to describe my philosophy of business...
it's "teamwork."
Everybody working together.
You girls, of course, never got a chance to play football
or baseball.
And I've always felt like that's unfortunate
because I think it's‒ it's probably the best place
to learn what teamwork is all about.
I remember Coach Frye used to tell us
"a chain is only as strong as its weakest link."
Its weakest link‒ God damn it!
Get this chair fixed.
Well, I... I'm not going to bore you with a long harangue.
Just suffice to say that it's a jungle out there,
but if we work together,
we'll cut the balls off the competition
and be sitting pretty on top of the hill.
Thank you, sir.
I'm happy to be working here.
Well, you're a welcome addition,
and a damn pretty one, too, if I might add.
Thank you, sir. I mean that.
You should see the crones coming through here lately.
Real pathetic. Right, Violet?
Oh, Violet, my wife's coming by later.
I'd like to get her a present.
Could you pick out a scarf?
We've discussed this before.
It's not my place to shop‒
God damn it. For five minutes
I've been talking about teamwork.
You're not there for the hand-off.
All I'm saying, Mr. Hart,
is my job description says nothing
about making purchases for your wife.
All I'm saying is I like people around me
who are flexible and get along.
When I ask an employee,
especially one who wants to be promoted to management,
I expect a little cooperation.
You savvy?
Savvy.
Good. Silk, blue, maybe a red stripe.
You're talking to the right person.
Violet's the best.
First person I met here.
Knows more about what's going on
than anybody but Mr. Hinkle.
Oh, a deer.
Yeah. Lucky shot.
Listen, if you ever have anything
of a serious nature on your mind,
feel free to talk to me,
because that's actually why I have my office on this floor‒
to be close to my girls. Okay?
Certainly. Thank you.
Good.
Oh, is Doralee back yet?
No.
Get me coffee then, Violet.
No sugar. Just Skinny and Sweet.
Yes, sir.
Well, that's Franklin Hart, Jr.
But to me he'll always be F. Hart.
Oh, good.
She's back.
Hi, Violet. How's everything going?
Oh, Doralee, your boss wants coffee.
Great. I just got back from gassing up his car.
I'm filling one tank or another.
This is Judy Bernly.
Judy will be working in my section.
Doralee Rhodes.
Nice to meet you.
Hope everybody's been treating you friendly
and showing you around.
Everybody's been very nice, thank you.
If there's anything I can do, just holler.
I know what it's like to be the new girl.
Thank you.
Judy, over here.
This is your typewriter, Dictaphone, adding machine.
I better get you a locker for that hat.
[TYPING]
Hello.
Uh...
yes.
[BUTTON CLICKS]
Hello?
Jo's leaving. They won't let her work part-time.
Of course they won't. It would make things too convenient.
Hi, Violet. Hi, Judy. How's it going?
Fine, thank you.
Violet's going to show me around outside.
Hart's asked me to buy his wife a scarf.
Why doesn't he ask Doralee?
She does everything else for him.
Oh, she's too tired.
They've been in conference together all morning.
We'll see you later.
Come on, Judy.
Have fun.
Your salmon looks good. Mmm!
$20?
I like this.
What did Margaret mean about Doralee?
Well, rumor has it that, uh...
she is banging the boss.
She and Mr. Hart?
I think that's awful.
Well, live and let live.
Though, frankly, I credit her with more brains.
Certainly more taste.
That's how my husband left.
He was having an affair with his secretary.
I don't think Hart will leave his wife.
She's been too good a meal ticket all these years.
Besides, she's bananas. She adores him.
Doralee, would you grab your pad
and bring your pretty face in here, please?
Yes, sir.
Hold it right there.
What?
Turn around just a second.
Something wrong?
Have I got something on my dress?
Nothing's wrong.
Matter of fact, everything is...
very, very right.
Shall we begin, Mr. Hart?
Yeah. Um...
take a letter to Vernon Henshaw
over at Metropolitan Mutual.
Dear Vern,
as you know,
the chairman of the board of Consolidated Companies,
Mr. Russell Tinsworthy,
spends most of his time in Brazil
working on the jungle clearance operation.
Consequent‒
Oh, the pencils dropped.
It's all right. I'll get it.
Here, let me...
Let me‒ Let me help you with those.
That's okay, really. I've got them.
There you go. Okay.
Doralee. Yes?
About my conduct in the office here yesterday...
I'm afraid I got a little carried away. I'd...
I'd just like to apologize to you.
Don't you worry about it.
I've been chased by swifter men than you,
and I ain't been caught yet.
Shall we get back to our letter now?
But could you just come over here for a second?
I have a little something for you.
You know...
ever since I made that stupid mistake
about the convention in San Francisco, I...
Oh, you didn't make a mistake.
I'll just have to make sure
the next time I'm asked to work at a convention,
there's a convention going on.
Right. And nothing happened anyway, so let's forget the whole thing.
Fine.
Doralee...
you know, you mean so much more to me
than just a dumb secretary,
so I bought this for you.
I picked it out myself.
Well, thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
Oh, it's nice.
It's very nice.
It's also very nothing.
Doralee, I'm a rich man.
I've got a checkbook on that desk.
Say the word, you can write your own figure.
I could do that now.
I sign your name better than you do.
Doralee, don't you understand? I'm crazy about you.
You're all I think about.
I've told you before. I'm a married woman.
And I'm a married man. That makes it perfect.
Oh, Mr. Hart‒ Aah!
Doralee, please! I want you.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
What are you doing, Mr. Hart?
Call me Frank.
Frank?
Huh?
What are you doing on the floor?
Nothing. I tripped.
Hit my knee on the damn coffee table.
Ow! Oh!
Did you hurt yourself?
No.
What are you doing down here?
You know I hate it when you come here.
You know that.
Don't be mad at me.
I just came from the travel agency.
They have the most wonderful cruises‒
Oh, hello, Doralee.
Hi, Mrs. Hart. Well, how are you?
I'm fine, and you? What a lovely scarf.
It's a present from your husband.
Oh, Frank, that was so thoughtful.
I'm just glad he appreciates you.
Put it on.
Oh, it's absolutely adorable.
And you are so attractive.
You're sweet. I appreciate that.
Doralee, that'll be all for now.
You can just finish the letter later on.
Bye. Oh, Frank, let me show you these brochures.
It won't take a second. You did promise to go. Right.
Here's a lovely one. An Italian line.
Looks just like the Love Boat.
It does.
Four weeks of sunshine.
Four weeks? Are you out of your mind?
I'm not spending four weeks of my life
drifting around on that dago boat.
Well, I'll be damned.
Just look and see who got paid off for services rendered.
That's‒That's the scarf you bought.
Aw, who cares? I suppose she deserves it.
I'll bet you can't wait to see the Xerox room.
Now, all these rush memos are always done
on regulation Consolidated letterhead,
so you place it in here, 8 1/2 X 11.
Close the bin firmly, turn on the power.
[MOTOR ROARS]
Several people have lost their hearing in this room!
Select the number of copies,
make this a little darker,
and start the print.
Here it comes.
If anything goes wrong, watch this panel.
The machine tells you what to do.
I'll leave you to it.
Oh!
You're too much.
Your wife's going off on vacation. There'll be no stopping you.
I know. Wait till you hear this new little scheme I've got going.
Come on in here a minute.
[MOTOR ROARS]
What the hell is going on here?
I'm sorry, Mr. Hart.
It was going too fast.
Why didn't you just shut it off right here?
Catch you upstairs, Frank. Great little scheme you got here.
Right here. Right here.
I'm sorry, Mr. Hart. I thought I could keep up.
Weren't you checked out on this machine?
Any moron could operate this.
I was.
I know what to do now, sir.
I suggest you do it,
or your first day will be your last, understand?
Yes, sir. Clean this mess up and get back to work.
Yes, sir.
Dick?
Oh, Judy.
What are you doing here?
I just dropped by to give you these papers.
They're the last.
You, uh, you sign them,
and then you give them to your lawyer.
Okay.
How are things with you?
Everything's fine.
Terrific!
I got a job.
Oh!
I'm a...
I'm a secretary.
Well, how's Liza?
Fine. She's waiting in the car.
We‒We've got to go.
Well, so long.
Bye.
[TICKING]
[ALARM RINGS]
I feel like I was just here a minute ago.
You'll get used to it.
Everybody does.
Eventually.
Medicinal purposes.
Violet Newstead, please hold.
Hi, this is Violet.
Mel, no, no. That's 210, net 30.
Delivered in 9 days.
That's 2% of 4,405.50 is...
88.11.
Oh, my pleasure, Mel. [TELEPHONE BUZZES]
Violet Newstead, please hold. Hi, this is Violet.
Charlotte, I've got it right here.
I was waiting for your call. That route is...
32 via Dixie Express.
Don't worry. I've got it under control.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Violet News‒ Come on, kids.
No fighting.
Believe me. There's more than one peanut butter and banana sandwich in the world.
What did I say this morning? Okay. Love you, too.
No, I don't want to talk to the dog. Bye-bye.
Oh, hi, Judy. How's everything going?
Fine, thanks.
How'd you like to have lunch today?
Well, I'm afraid I can't, thanks.
Maybe tomorrow.
I know the cutest little Italian restaurant
just a hop, skip, and a jump from here.
I should stay in the office
and learn the routine,
but thanks anyway.
Yeah, sure.
You know, I just don't get it, Dwayne.
What's that, honey?
I'm as nice as I know how to be to everyone at that office.
Everybody treats me like a bastard at a family reunion.
Well, come over here and sit down.
Well, that hurts my feelings.
Where's my smile? I don't have one.
They're just jealous 'cause you're so pretty.
They're not jealous.
Mm-hmm.
Now, where's my smile?
I want you to smile, okay?
You forget all about them.
I'm going to give you a real warm reception.
I just bet you will.
Violet, a little coffee.
Yes, sir.
Yeah. What else?
Did you have a chance to look at the report on color-coding of accounts?
Last month. I gave it to you.
We could improve efficiency 20%.
Sure, I looked into that.
That needs a little work.
I'll get back to you on that.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Oh, Violet,
I haven't heard from you.
Did you get my memo?
I did, Roz. I tore right through it.
Good.
We must clamp down hard
on any signs of unionization.
Oh, here comes Mr. Hart with Mr. Hinkle.
Coming from you, that means a lot.
Hello, girls. How's it going?
Just fine.
Hello, Mr. Hinkle.
Roz, you'll be getting a copy of this report Frank just gave me.
We're going to start color-coding the accounts from now on.
Frank's done a brilliant study with efficiency.
Really? Congratulations, Mr. Hart.
Thanks, Roz.
Was just‒just brilliant.
You're a fine piece of manpower, Frank.
Any other reforms you want to make are fine with me.
Thank you.
This is your floor.
You run it as you please.
Going up?
No. We're going down.
Oh, I can't believe that man.
He has no shame.
He stood right there and presented my idea
to the company's president
like it was his own.
Why didn't you call him on it?
Oh, because I'm playing it safe, damn it.
In six weeks, he makes the decision about that promotion,
and until then, I'm playing the good girl.
You finished up there?
Yeah.
Nice job.
Thanks.
Can you imagine a mature woman with four kids
installing a garage door opener,
he still refers to me as his girl.
Mom, you gotta relax.
I'm going to roll you a joint.
Josh, you know how I feel about that.
Besides, your grandmother will pitch a fit
if she even hears you mention marijuana.
She doesn't understand moderation.
Besides, you're the one that keeps talking about
"harm springs from excess," right?
Okay. Yes, I know.
I'm talking about one joint.
Okay. I don't like it, Josh.
How long have you been waiting for this promotion?
Slip it in my purse.
It works!
You did it.
[LAUGHS]
What?
Don't go flying off the handle.
You gave that promotion to Bob Enright?
I've got five years seniority over him.
I know.
Christ, I trained him.
I know, but see, the company‒
Oh, the company, bullshit.
You promoted him. You tell me why.
Well, in the first place, Bob does have a college degree.
Oh, brilliant.
While he's away at college
getting his useless degree,
I'm working my butt off.
In the second place, he's supporting a family.
And I don't?
What's that got to do with anything?
My hands are tied.
The company needs a man in this position.
Clients would rather deal with men about figures.
Now we're getting at it.
I lose a promotion because of some idiot prejudice.
The boys in the club are threatened,
and you're intimidated by any woman that won't sit at the back of the bus.
Spare me the women's lib crap, okay?
I know your feelings. I understand.
You understand zilch.
I understand I'm still the boss here,
and though you have your value,
you better get hold of yourself.
God damn it.
Doralee, get in here!
Okay.
I told you to have this chair fixed.
Okay, I'm going to leave,
but I'm telling you one thing‒
Don't you ever refer to me as your girl again.
What are you talking about?
[DOOR OPENS]
Doralee, what's with this chair?
I'll tell you‒
I'm no girl. I'm a woman.
You hear?
I'm not your wife or your mother...
or even your mistress.
What?
I am your employee,
and as such, I expect to be treated equally,
with a little dignity and a little respect.
What do you mean, mistress?
She's just upset.
Doralee, the whole company knows
you two are having an affair.
Who's been saying we're having an affair?
Who's been saying it?
He has.
What?
Violet, where are you going?
I'm going to get drunk.
Atta girl.
You've been telling everybody
I'm sleeping with you, huh?
Well, that's why these people
treat me like some floozy.
They think I'm screwing the boss.
That's not it at all‒
You just love it, don't you?
Gives you some cheap thrill,
like knocking over pencils‒
Let's don't get exc‒
Get your scummy hands off me.
I've been straight with you since I got here.
I put up with your pinching
'cause I need this job,
but this is the last straw!
Let's just‒
I got a gun in my purse.
I've been forgiving because of the way I was brought up,
but if you ever say another word about me
or make another indecent proposal,
I'll get that gun,
and I'll change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!
Don't think I can't do it!
Shit.
Where are you going?
I need a drink, Roz.
I'm taking the rest of the day off.
Atta girl.
What do you want? I'm busy.
I wouldn't disturb you if this weren't important,
but I just heard one of the girls
commit a serious infraction.
What?
Maria Delgado was speaking to a girl
whose voice I didn't recognize
when I overheard her reveal her salary
and make estimates of yours and mine.
Get rid of her. Dismiss her.
It isn't as if she hasn't been warned.
I clearly outlined‒
Did you hear me?
Fire the bitch.
What?
I don't believe it.
You were fired for that?
That's okay.
I wanted to spend more time with my kids anyway.
But it's so unfair.
We've got to do something.
Sure. Let's all revolt.
No. Don't you get in trouble for me.
It's not worth it.
I'll find another job.
It was hard for me to work full-time anyway.
[SOBBING]
I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
Oh...
Where's Violet?
Does she know?
Not yet. She's at Charlie's getting drunk.
Well, I'm going to tell her.
This is a disgrace.
Atta girl.
What a rat.
What a liar.
What a creep.
To think he told everybody I was sleeping with him.
It's so unfair.
Just so unfair.
Twelve years of service, and he shoots me down.
We've got to do something.
He can't just treat people like that.
Do? What's to do, quit?
Well, I can't quit.
It's the same all over, anyway.
Couldn't we all get together and...
and complain?
Complain to who?
Let's face it‒
We're in a pink collar ghetto.
Let's have another drink.
This one's on me.
I've got it.
It's my turn.
I've really got it.
What's that?
I didn't think you smoked.
You roll your own?
This is a gift from my son.
Let's pop to the ladies' room and light up.
Is that one of them marijuana cigarettes?
We don't have enough for everybody. Cool it.
We can't, Violet.
Someone might come in.
It is dangerous, Violet.
Would you two show a little spunk?
What are you, a man or a mouse?
I mean a woman or a wouse?
Let's go to my house.
My husband's away. We'll have the place to ourselves.
We could have ourselves an old-fashioned ladies' pot party.
You know, that stuff don't do that much for me.
I smoked a marijuana cigarette at a party once.
I could never figure out what the big deal was.
Huh.
Threatening Hart with a gun?
He knows I've got one, too.
I keep it right here at all times.
All I can think, he must have peed in his pants.
Have you ever fired it?
Have I ever fired it?
Well, really, just once,
right after Dwayne bought it.
I was coming home from this rodeo with a girlfriend,
and these two men started hassling us.
They wouldn't let up.
I was being big 'cause I had a gun,
so I reached to get it,
and I shot a hole clean through my purse.
But they ran off.
I bet they did.
Like turkeys.
Wow.
This is...
This is really good pot.
What did you call it again?
Maui wowee.
Well, I love it.
It's primo.
I don't think I could ever carry a gun.
I don't understand guys like Hart
who go out and shoot those poor, defenseless animals
like Bambi and Thumper...
and that cute little skunk.
I'd like to hunt. I'd like to hunt Hart.
I'd like to chase his lily-white tail
and see how he likes it.
I think she's stoned.
Thumper.
Am I stoned?
I think you're stoned.
Oh, it's so funny.
[DORALEE] What's so funny?
Oh, I have this image of Hart
running for his life,
and the whole office is out to get him and hunt him down.
[BARKING]
[YELLING]
There he is!
Get him!
Kill the bastard!
[RIFLE COCKS]
Aah! Who's there?
Hello, Hart.
Looks like you're in a spot of trouble.
Judy?
You've got to help me.
That mob's crazy. They're trying to kill me.
Why would they want to do that?
I don't know. I'm not a bad guy.
You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot.
So I have a few flaws.
Is that reason to kill me?
You're foul, Hart,
a wart on the nose of humanity,
and I'm going to blast it off.
Judy, Judy, Judy...
Good-bye, boss-man.
It's quittin' time.
You can't mean this.
1... 2... 3...
4... 5...
Why me? I'm an ordinary guy
trying to do his job.
8... 9...
Holy shit.
10.
Hi?
[VIOLET] That's great.
Well, I have just wrecked my diet,
but I love good barbecue, don't you?
Dwayne fixed these last night.
Mmm...
Oh, that is so wonderful.
Oh, these olives. Mmm.
Everything tastes so wonderful.
I can't get over it.
What about you, Doralee?
What's your fantasy for doing him in?
Me?
Well, I think I'd like to just come ridin' up one day
and give him a taste of his own medicine.
[♪♪ WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE ]
Hey, hot stuff,
grab your pad and get your buns in here.
Yes, ma'am.
Morning.
Hold it.
Hold it right there.
Something wrong?
No, no.
I just wanted to check your bod.
Turn around for a second.
[WHISTLES]
You got a nice ass, Frank.
You ought to get your pants cut tighter,
bring 'em up a little in the crotch.
You got a nice package.
Might as well show it off.
Mrs. Rhodes.
Come over here. I want you to take a memo.
To all personnel...
[SNIFFS]
Boy, that's great cologne you're wearing, Frank.
Oh, thank you.
It's turning me on. What's that called?
Stud.
Ohh.
Well, it's very sexy,
only I don't like that tie you're wearing.
What happened to the ones I gave you?
Well, nothing. I just‒
Take it off.
Excuse me?
Take it off.
Can't work with those stripes glaring out at me.
How 'bout unbuttoning that coat and your shirt?
You need to loosen up.
That's better.
Now, where were we?
The memo.
Oh, by the way, I got a surprise for you.
I am a married man.
Forget about your wife, Frank.
You may be hers in the evening,
but you're my boy from nine to five.
Look what I got for you.
Isn't that pretty?
Yes, it's pretty. Very pretty.
But you shouldn't be buying gifts for me, Mrs. Rhodes.
Let me put it on you.
Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?
No.
I love your hair. It's so sexy.
Go over on the couch. I'll lock the door.
Mrs. Rhodes‒
Oh, let's be friendly, Frank.
You got to be more cooperative
if you want to keep this job.
Mrs. Rhodes, I'm not that kind of boy.
Oh, get off it.
One little kiss? What's that going to hurt?
Who's gonna know?
No, no.
I won't. I won't.
No! No!
Jeez!
Frank, you get back here.
I'm warning you‒ come back here.
No, I won't.
[RODEO ANNOUNCER] And he's out of the chute, ladies and gentlemen.
Look out. That's a big bull from the high glass tower.
Now, Miss Doralee Rhodes is gonna try to rope him.
She's already got him down.
How long will it take to hog-tie this sexist,
egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot?
Five seconds, ladies and gentlemen!
Just five seconds!
[COYOTE HOWLS]
[LAUGHTER]
I can just see Hart hanging there
wondering what the hell happened.
Ha, ha. Ohh.
What's your fantasy, Violet?
How would you bump off the boss?
Oh, I have to think about it.
For me, it would have to be like a fairy tale,
something gruesome and horrible and real gory...
but kind of cute.
Violet, get me some coffee.
Yes, sir.
[WHISTLING]
Sorry.
[VOCALIZING]
[♪♪ CONTINUES]
[♪♪ WHISTLES]
[EVIL LAUGH]
Thank you.
Your coffee, Mr. Hart.
Hmm?
Oh, you can put it down.
[LAUGHS]
Just the way you like it.
More coffee, Mr. Hart?
Coffee?
Aah!
Ooh.
Aah!
Ooh... ooh...
[♪♪]
I think there was something in that coffee.
I think you're right.
I think it was poison.
Right again.
I think you did it.
♪ Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha ♪
Uh...
But why?
Why?
Why do you think?
Because I'm a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot?
Bingo.
Aah!
[CRASH]
[CHEERING]
[CHORUS] ♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ Hallelujah ♪
Hip-hip hoorah!
Yay!
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
[LAUGHING]
I had such a good time last night.
You know, we should do that more often.
How is Hart? I haven't seen him all morning.
He didn't say a word about yesterday.
He's happy.
His wife left this morning on a two-month cruise.
Lucky her.
She still has to come back to him, poor thing.
Let's have lunch today.
I got to go shopping.
We're running out of everything‒
cat food, fish food, ant spray, rat poison.
Hart wants me to take papers to his lawyer.
I'll be gone all afternoon.
Aw, damn it.
When you're away, that only means one thing.
Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.
Coffee, Violet.
Now.
Yes, sir.
I swear, Betty, one of these days,
he'll push me too far,
then I'll let him have it.
I mean, enough is enough.
We're out of Skinny and Sweet.
I got some at lunch today.
Who does he think he is anyway‒
a miserable, petty, two-bit dictator,
ordering me around
like I'm some sort of flunky?
I get so mad at myself.
I've been such a nerd.
Violet, he just does it to annoy you.
Don't let him get to you.
Besides, the day's almost over.
You're right.
I tell myself the same thing,
but the pressure's building up.
I can't take much more of this.
Something, somewhere, sometime is going to snap,
and then, God help Mr. Hart,
because I won't be responsible for my actions.
Ahh, but right now,
I'm calm, perfectly calm.
No.
Not for one second.
Right.
Hold it. Hold it a minute.
I've already told Bob Enright,
and now I'm telling you.
When you get anything at all from Ajax Warehouse,
you bring it directly to me.
Got that?
You're the boss.
You might remember that a little more often.
Ha, ha, ha.
See he caught you.
I'm a tree. I can bend.
Hang in there, honey.
It's almost 5:00.
Now, you listen to me.
Ajax is my deal.
You get your money when I give it to you.
Don't ever call me at this number again.
Jerk.
Doralee. Doralee!
Uhh.
[GASPS]
Oh, my goodness.
Mr. Hart.
Mr. Hart!
Oh, Mr. Hart.
Mr. Hart.
Oh, no.
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
Violet, where have you been?
You've missed all the excitement.
What happened?
They took Hart away in an ambulance unconscious.
He had an attack or something.
He did? Well, where's Doralee?
Well, she went with him.
I hope it's not serious.
Me, neither.
Well, maybe a little serious.
Some trifle that'll keep him out for the next 20 years.
Let's go.
I'll meet you at the elevator.
Okay.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Ahh.
Oh.
Violet,
isn't it awful about Mr. Hart?
How did it happen, Roz?
Fell and hit his head on the credenza.
What about the coffee?
What?
Where is the coffee cup?
Oh, here.
It was by him on the floor.
He must've been drinking it when he blacked out.
What hospital?
St. Ambrose.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
I know you feel.
Aah. Aah.
Judy.
Oh, Judy. Hurry. Hurry.
What's the matter?
Something terrible's happened.
You won't believe it.
[DING]
I don't believe it.
How could you make such a stupid mistake?
I thought it was Skinny and Sweet.
Here, look. They're identical,
except for the skull and crossbones on the label.
Someone's going to see you.
I've got to go to the hospital.
They'll have to pump his stomach.
Don't be hysterical. Don't be hysterical.
You're right. Keep calm. Keep calm.
[HONK]
You'd better speak to admitting, ma'am.
Yeah. Right.
My boss was brought in.
Franklin Hart.
There we go.
What's go‒
What's going on?
Take it easy now. You blacked out.
How do you feel?
I feel fine.
I fell off a chair and hit my head.
Uh-huh.
Ooh.
You got quite a bump there.
I think we'll take you upstairs for X-rays.
X-rays?
Mm-hmm.
Wait a minute, doc.
I don't want any X-rays.
I like my head.
We ought to do some tests.
You do tests on yourself.
I know what you guys racket is.
You're not suckering me into hospital bills,
not for a little bump on the head.
Hey, doc. Cardiac arrest.
He stopped breathing.
Open his shirt. Plug him into the monitor.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
1, 2.
Hurry.
[DOCTOR] 2, 3, 4, 5.
1, 2, 3, 4.
That bum.
He was our only witness.
We had him all ready to testify.
Now this.
There's Doralee.
Doralee.
What are you doing here?
Doralee, something terrible has happened.
What?
Violet put poison in Hart's coffee.
It was an accident.
You mean, that's why‒
It looks just like Skinny and Sweet.
Good grief.
Where is he?
The emergency room. First door on the right.
Oh, my God. There's a policeman.
What's he doing here?
I don't know.
The guy on the gurney, how is he?
He's not so good.
Can I speak to the doctor?
He knows you're here.
He knows I'm here.
Oh, my God. They found out already.
Don't panic. Please don't panic.
How is he, doc?
Ah, he's dead.
Aw.
Oh, my God.
Can you tell what caused it?
Not without an autopsy.
You fellows can come into my office.
I'm fairly certain it was poison.
Poison?
Ahh.
It's okay. It's okay.
Easy now.
Poison.
It's all over.
Did you hear‒ an autopsy?
I'll save them the trouble and give them the poison.
Violet!
You want someone to see it?
Who cares? I'm finished.
I'm a murderer.
No, you're not.
I'm a murderess.
My poor kids.
Violet, you're nothing until proven guilty.
They'll find the poison when they do the autopsy.
I'll get rid of the poison.
I'll get rid of the body.
No, it's not murder. They're are extenuating circumstances.
It was an accident.
An accident?
She was thinking about doing it last night.
We all thought about it.
She didn't do it on purpose.
Oh, maybe unconsciously I did.
I'm going to the pen.
Let's get her a lawyer.
I'll be locked up for life. Where's the phone?
Over there.
Do you have any change?
I'm going to lose my job.
Calm down.
I've killed the boss.
You think they're not going to fire me for that?
Hush. Now just sit here. We'll be right back.
Oh, medic, this the guy for the autopsy?
Yeah.
The doctor would like to see you.
Right this way.
[YELLING]
They're looking for a second opinion.
I'm going to go ahead.
So, look, if you can get it to them by Friday...
Ma'am. Ohh!
Excuse me. Where's the coffee shop?
What?
The coffee shop.
The coffee shop?
No. I'm new here.
I'm new here, too. Where do you work?
Downstairs.
The morgue?
That's right.
He's...
Yes, he is.
How?
Coffee, too much coffee.
I'm just taking him out for some air‒
Air for me. He's coming along for the ride.
[GASPS]
You're a doctor.
I didn't see your badge.
Sorry.
I'm a doctor.
Why am I talking to you?
Piss off.
How's Violet?
Oh, honey, I think Violet has flipped out.
[HONKING]
Violet, what are you doing?
Come on, get in. Get in.
There's no time for talking. Get in.
[DORALEE] Violet, slow down.
Why are you driving fast?
They can't do an autopsy without a body.
I told you she's flipped.
She has just absolutely flipped.
Where is the body?
In the trunk.
We'll get cement blocks
and pitch him off the pier.
No one will ever know.
You're crazy.
They always find it.
Oh, crazy, am I?
They never found Jimmy Hoffa.
Slow down.
Will you just slow down?
Let's not panic. Let's not panic.
There's a restaurant up there.
Why don't we pull over and stop for a bite?
How can you think of food at a time like this?
I'm not thinking of food.
I'm not hungry.
[GASPS]
[HONKING]
Violet, we're not criminal.
You're not a criminal. It was an accident.
Well, we're criminals now.
We've just stolen a corpse from a hospital.
That sounds like criminal to me.
We'll just turn around and take it back.
We'll get caught.
You think they'll listen to us?
Will you please stop arguing?
Think about where we can get some cement.
[HONKING]
Look out!
Don't panic. Don't panic.
Aah. Aah. Aah.
What happened?
She panicked.
Nobody's hurt.
It's just a little accident.
We'll be out of here in no time.
The front fender's hitting the tire.
Oh, good Lord. Get out. Let's look at it.
Oh, that ain't too bad.
We'll pull that fender out.
Give me a hand.
Oh, God.
Wait. That's no use.
We need a crowbar or something.
There's a tire iron in the trunk.
Judy, turn the blinkers off.
[GASPS]
Uh, Judy, would you come back here for a second?
What?
Look.
Who's that?
I don't know.
Where's Hart?
I don't know.
Oh, my God. You mean, she‒
Oh, my God!
Violet, honey, would you come over here for a second?
What is the matter with you?
We have got to get the‒
Who is that?
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
What happened to Hart's body?
It's not here. You think it walked away?
But I‒
Violet, how could you?
How could you?
I guess I must have made a mistake.
You steal the wrong body,
and all you can say is, "I made a mistake."
It could happen to anyone.
Oh, this is awful.
It's so improper.
It's so disrespectful.
He's dead. He doesn't mind.
There's nothing to get excited about.
We'll just take it back.
What?
No harm's done. We'll take it back.
That's great.
We waltz in there and say, "we made a mistake."
Maybe they'll give us Hart's body in exchange.
There's no need to get sarcastic.
You took it. You take it back.
Stop it.
We're all in this together.
Now we have to be very calm.
We're going to fix the fender.
We'll go back to the hospital.
We'll figure out a plan to drop off the body.
Then we'll decide what we're going to do next.
I tried to tell this woman‒
Will you two shut up?
It's not a bad plan.
It might work.
If we could just find a wheelchair.
I saw a couple outside the emergency entrance before.
I think that's a good idea.
I just wish we knew what happened to Hart.
We're going to find out soon enough.
[SIREN]
What's that?
It's a siren.
It's a policeman.
He wants us to pull over.
Do I make a break for it?
I've got my gun.
Are you crazy?
Oh, my God.
Don't panic. Don't panic.
What does he want?
I don't know. Pull over.
Pull over. Be ready for anything.
Listen to what he says and don't panic.
But what if he wants‒
For Christ's sake, pull over! Pull over!
Good evening, ladies.
May I see your license and registration, please?
Why? I wasn't speeding.
I didn't say you were.
Your taillight is blinking.
It is?
Are your signals on?
No.
There's a short in the trunk.
A short in the trunk?
We've got a short in the trunk.
Probably just a defective wire.
You want to take a look?
Do we want to take a look?
No, we can't, Officer. We don't have time.
We're on an emergency.
That's‒that's right. She's a doctor.
Oh, you're a doctor?
What do think I am, a beautician?
I didn't see your badge.
What's the trouble?
I'm taking this woman to the hospital, and she's sick.
Which one of you is sick?
I am. I am.
She is. She is.
They're both sick.
What is that you're hiding there?
What? This?
Yes.
It's rat poison.
She ate it.
What?
She ate the rat poison. That's why they're sick.
You ate the rat poison?
I thought it was Skinny and Sweet.
It looks just like Skinny and Sweet,
except for the little skull and crossbones on the label.
Can we go now, Officer?
I'm not feeling very well.
Did you hear that?
She's not feeling very well.
I've got a dying woman,
and you want to look for a short.
I'm sorry. If we don't make it on time,
I'm holding you responsible.
Don't worry.
I'll give you an escort.
An escort?
He's going to give us an escort.
Oh, Lord.
Hang on‒
Forget it, Mac. We can't wait.
How did it go?
I couldn't find out about Hart.
They don't know, or they won't tell us.
What are we going to do?
Nothing.
We're going to wait until they come to us.
Go to the office in the morning
and pretend like nothing has happened.
Well, what about the other matter?
Don't worry about it.
It's been taken care of.
Hey, Viv.
We got another stiff in the john.
[DING]
Morning, Judy.
Morning, Violet.
Doralee, uh, no calls this morning.
I don't want to be disturbed at all.
All that running around last night was useless.
Hart left with a little bump on his head.
I did put the poison in the coffee.
I know it.
Well, he absolutely did not drink it, Violet.
How could we be so stupid?
Did anybody think to look under the stalls.
Yes. Yes. And there's nobody there.
Look, I propose we forget the whole thing.
It never happened.
That's okay with me.
I'll never mention it again.
Thank God it's Friday.
Why don't we start the weekend
with a drink at Charlie's?
You know, we are so lucky.
I'm glad this whole mess is finally over.
Oh, me, too.
Is this accurate?
They actually said this?
Clearly as I could make out.
My notes were a little fuzzy.
Well, this is very interesting.
Stealing corpses, eluding the police.
May-Maybe they knew you were hiding,
just‒just pulling your leg.
I don't think so.
In any event, I think you should be aware of that coffee business.
Yeah. I think I can use that to some advantage.
Whoo! Look out, Charlie's,
here we come.
Oh, Judy. Wait just a second.
I'll be right back.
I'll‒I'll tell Violet.
It's 5:00, Mr. Hart. You wanted to see me?
I did, Doralee.
I'd like you to come over to my house tonight.
I'm not working tonight. This is Friday.
Who said anything about work?
Oh, uh, by the way,
have you ever heard of strychnine?
Strychnine is a poison, I think.
Yes, it is a poison.
I just talked to the hospital.
They found traces of strychnine
when they pumped out my stomach yesterday.
What? You told me you just hit your head.
I had to be sure. I think you need evidence like that
if you're going to accuse somebody of murder.
Murder?
Yeah.
You and Violet and that girl Judy
tried to murder me yesterday.
Put the rat poison in my coffee.
Oh, my goodness. I don't believe this.
It was all a big mistake.
That's very good.
You should be scared, because I know all about it.
All I have to do is call the police.
It really was a mistake.
Violet put the poison in strictly by accident.
She might get a jury to believe that.
Then again, she might not.
But the big question here is whether or not
you want to take that chance.
What are you driving at?
It's very simple.
You come over to my house,
and I'll forget the whole thing.
You are disgusting.
Is that a no?
Too bad.
Mr. Hart, I'm begging you,
think about what you're doing.
I didn't start this. You three girls did all the plotting.
I won't let you do this!
There's another phone over there, Doralee.
Incidentally, that's something else
you might want to think about.
I'm very funny, but I don't like it
when people give back my presents.
Oh, you are rotten, Mr. Hart.
Did anybody ever tell you that?
I never thought I'd say this about another human being,
but you are evil‒ evil to the core!
I love it when you get mad like that.
If you touch that phone, I'll jerk it clean out of the wall.
Ooh...
I mean it!
You think this is all a joke.
You're going to listen to me
whether you like it or not!
Will you shut up now and let me explain what happened?
Let me loose or I'm calling for help.
No, I don't want you to call for help.
You won't listen, but you'll shut up and stay there!
I got to figure out what to do.
[GASP] Roz.
Is Mr. Hart in?
Yeah‒well, yeah, but he's tied up at the moment.
Oh. Well...
I guess it can wait until Monday.
Have a nice weekend.
Yeah, you, too, Roz.
Oh, Judy.
Can you come here a second?
You ready, Doralee?
No! Something awful has happened. Where's Violet?
She's in the storage room. What's the matter?
Hart knows everything about last night.
What?
He really thinks we were trying to kill him.
He was going to have us arrested.
Oh, dear God.
Get in there and watch him.
Lock that door, and don't let anybody in.
I'm getting Violet.
Oh, dear God.
[MUFFLED CRIES]
Oh, dear God.
[MUFFLED TALKING]
Mr. Hart, I'm so sorry.
[MUFFLED TALKING]
What?
Oh, I can't understand what you're saying.
[MUFFLED YELLING]
Thank God one of you has come to your senses.
Now get me loose.
Doralee didn't mean any harm, Mr. Hart.
Just get me untied, okay?
I can't do that until they come back.
You think I'm going to run away?
I won't do anything. I give you my word of honor.
Just get me untied. There's a little pain involved here.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Maybe I'll just loosen it a little bit.
Good. Loosen it.
You've got to understand what happened last night.
It was just a series of misunderstandings.
Violet didn't mean to kill you.
She just accidentally put rat poison in your coffee.
Get out of my way!
Mr. Hart.
Mr. Hart, you gave me your word!
I lied.
God damn it.
You're not leaving this office.
Watch me.
I was just pretending a while ago,
but this thing is getting out of hand.
Nobody makes a fool out of me in my own office.
I'm calling the police.
Hold it right there.
You're as crazy as the other two.
Close that door or I'll shoot.
Aah!
Hold it! Don't shoot! I give up!
Don't shoot it!
Judy, put it‒
Judy, what are you doing?
Oh, my God.
Christ.
He‒He was going to call the police.
[JUDY] I just feel terrible doing this to him.
[DORALEE] We'll get him to his place and try to reason with him.
His wife's on vacation, and that house is so far off the road,
if he yells, ain't nobody gonna hear him.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
So what do we do now?
You'll pay for this.
I swear you'll pay for this.
If you'd only listen.
You listen to me.
I'll see you all in prison before I'm through.
Kidnapping.
Attempted murder.
Roped, beaten,
rat poison.
I won't rest until you all get 20 years in prison!
You understand that?
20 years!
God!
We can't just keep him here forever.
Oh, you heard him.
He don't believe us.
He wants to prosecute.
Why wouldn't he? He's got you for poisoning him
and me for roping him
and you for acting like he was first prize in a turkey shoot.
How are we going to keep him from talking?
I say we hire a couple of wranglers
to go upstairs and beat the shit out of him.
If we could only find something on him, maybe we could trade off.
Blackmail. All that sounds good.
What could we get on him?
A sex scandal.
Take a picture of him in bed with a prostitute.
Oh, who would care?
Hart would just buy up the copies
and send them out as Christmas cards.
[SIGHS]
Oh, Lord.
We've gone over everything.
Well, we might as well face it.
He's got us. We're licked.
Wait a minute. What's this doing here?
What?
Maybe we do have something to bargain with after all.
What is it?
An account book for Ajax Warehouse.
There's something suspicious going on here.
This is out in the middle of nowhere.
What do you see?
Nothing. It's too dark.
Why don't you climb up to that window?
I think we got him.
Ha, ha, ha! I think we got him!
Aah!
[LAUGHING]
Whoo! Yes, indeed,
it looks like Frank has been a very naughty boy.
An empty warehouse?
What's wrong with that?
That's what Billie Sol Estes said,
and they gave him 15 years for embezzlement.
That warehouse is supposed to be filled with inventory
from Consolidated.
But you sold it and pocketed the money.
You can't prove that.
I'm going to order the invoices
from head office, on Monday.
I think you'll... see the light when they arrive.
You start tangling with me,
you'd better be prepared to play very rough,
because I'm not going to be stopped
by three dumb-witted broads.
I'm not‒
I'm going to get loose.
I'm going to break loose
if I have to kill somebody to do it.
[VIOLET] To keep him tied up three of four days,
we need a better system of confinement.
[JUDY] Yes. Something that limits his movement,
but it should wear well and be comfortable.
We figure you'll sign our statement by the end of the week,
and then we'll be able to let you go.
I got all the razors and the scissors
and all the glass, just in case.
I brought you some books and magazines.
This one is really good.
This'll keep you up-to-date on all the soap operas.
Once you watch them, you really get hooked.
And I got you cigars.
Judy will stay at night, Doralee will bring your lunch,
and in the daytime, we have this little security system.
I paid for it on your Master Charge.
You're out of your mind.
You think you can keep me here for a week?
For Christ's sake, I'm the boss.
Don't you think I might be missed at the office?
[BUZZ]
Franklin Hart's office.
No, he's, uh, not here right now.
Can I help you?
Yes, Mr. Strell.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Judy Bernly. Please hold.
[RING]
Judy Bernly. Please hold.
Hello. Judy Bernly.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Hey, Violet.
What can I do you for, Bob?
Would you look at this?
I can't make it out.
But, Doralee, I want to talk to him today.
Well, I will tell him.
He's not here.
He's not? Well, that's kind of funny.
I thought he was.
Well, he hasn't gone to lunch.
His coat's still here.
Look at that. I've told him a hundred times
this can be very dangerous.
I'm sure he'll be back, Roz.
You want to wait?
No, thank you, but please tell him it's very important
I talk to him sometime today.
I will "soitenly" tell him, Roz.
She is going to be tough.
Hmm. What about the others?
Piece of cake.
There were a few questions we need answered from‒
Yeah, I saw those.
And some letters you should see,
but other than that I think we're fine.
Did you want a cup of coffee?
[CHOKES]
Oh. Sorry.
Hello, Mr. Hart.
It's lunch.
Where's the tray stand that was here yesterday?
Oh, uh, it's behind that pile of stuff over there.
[DING]
Aah!
Doralee!
Damn it!
I'll get your ass!
Promise.
[SHOUTING]
I don't understand.
Did you give him my message?
Yes, but he left the office just this second.
But I'll bet you can still catch him.
Judy!
Do you see Mr. Hart?
Uh, yes.
Well, stop him.
Mr. Hart!
Mr.‒
Oh, you just missed him.
Mmm.
[SIGHS]
We can't keep that up all week.
You're right. She's going to be a problem.
I've got some bad news.
Here's the telex from head office in New York.
They've started the computer changeover.
They won't be able to send us
the inventory invoices for Ajax Warehouse
for another four to six weeks.
Four to six weeks?
We have to keep Hart tied up all that time?
Do we have a choice?
I think we can pull it off.
I never realized how unpopular Hart is.
Nobody wants to see him face-to-face.
Except Roz.
[JUDY] What if we sent Roz on vacation?
[VIOLET] That's only two weeks.
We've got to keep her away longer.
Have you ever heard of the Aspen Language Center?
It's one of these places
that gives you very concentrated lessons in foreign languages.
Why don't we send her there?
You know, that's not half bad.
We could get Hart to write her that it's top-secret.
Consolidated is opening overseas centers,
and they need executives who can...
I don't know‒ Speak French.
Do you think she'd go?
Are you kidding? If Hart asked her to?
Bonjour.
Hmm.
It was just so easy.
I just typed up this memo and signed Hart's name.
She doesn't get back until the 15th,
and Missy doesn't return until the 24th.
Don't you feel sorry for Missy?
I'll have Hart send her some flowers in Tahiti.
How's everything upstairs?
Very subdued.
I think he's plotting something.
It's going to be a race
to see if he can get free
before we get the invoices, sometime around here.
While I'm at it, I'll just have Hart
let everybody keep flowers on their desks.
Change some things around that office.
Some of those rules of his are so depressing.
It's looking good.
But why don't we make some changes that really count?
Yeah.
[DAYS OF OUR LIVES THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
Like sands through the hourglass,
so are the days of our lives.
I'm happy to see
you still have a hearty appetite.
And I'll see you tomorrow.
If you keep being a good boy,
you'll be out of here the end of the week.
Aah!
Dick.
Can I come in?
Thanks.
It's cold out there.
Dick, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be in Mexico.
I was. I came back.
Dick, you can't stay here.
You're here alone, aren't you?
W-Well, yes. I'm...
house-sitting for a friend.
Yeah. I've been casing the house the last few days to make sure.
You could spare a cup of coffee
for your freezing old husband, couldn't you?
Ex-husband.
Well, all right. You sit down,
but then you're going to have to go.
It was no good from the start.
Nothing worked.
She left after the first week.
Maybe you could call me tomorrow at work
and we could have lunch,
talk some more.
I've wanted to see you.
I followed you from the office.
I thought maybe you were living with someone.
No.
What was that?
Oh, it's nothing.
Probably the cat. I'd better check.
I'll go with you. It's all right. I'll be right back.
Judy, you look beautiful as ever.
Thanks.
[GASPS]
Holy shit!
Oh!
Oh, my God.
[DING]
Let go of me!
Get away from me!
Hey!
Oh! Hey! Stay away!
Stay away! I'll kill you!
I'll kill you!
Let go!
Help!
Let go!
Judy?
Dick.
Let me down! When I get my hands on you‒
[SHOUTING]
Judy.
You shut up!
[GASPS]
[MUFFLED CRIES]
What's going on?
Nothing.
Who's in that room?
Nobody. Let's go downstairs.
Judy, there's somebody in that room. Let me see.
Good God.
[JUDY] Oh.
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
Who is that?
A friend.
Obviously.
So, that's what you're into now. Bondage.
What's that?
Bondage. S and M. Sex games.
That's right. I'm into everything. Now get out of here.
I can't believe it.
Who is that guy?
He's my boss.
An affair with your boss. Isn't that typical!
Just like you had one with your secretary.
But, Judy, this isn't you. You can't be serious.
Don't tell me what I can or can't do.
Those days are over!
And if I want to have an affair or play sex games
or do M&Ms, you can't stop me!
M&Ms?
Matter of fact, I smoke pot.
I see what it's done to you!
Well, I've changed.
I'll say. And not for the better!
And I came here tonight to ask you to come back... Ha!
Fat chance.
Your leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me.
If that's the way you feel,
there's nothing more to say.
Oh, yes, there is.
Hit the road, buster. This is where you get off.
What are we going to do about Roz? She gets back on Friday.
Well, if she causes any more trouble,
we'll send her back to language school to learn German.
Bet she would.
Talking about Roz?
Forget her. I just talked to New York.
The invoices will be here Friday morning.
Perfect, three more days. Ooh, good.
Uh, driver, would you bring the bags inside, please?
Missy.
Frank.
What on earth are you up to?
Operator?
Uh, good morning.
Uh, would you find a number for me, please?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Doralee, this is Missy Hart.
Missy.
Frank told me never to call anybody at the office,
so I'm calling you at home.
I wanted to thank you.
Thank me?
I just realized it must have been you
who sent me those beautiful flowers during my trip.
And you signed Frank's name.
Well, it was his idea.
Oh, no, no, no. It wasn't. I asked him.
That's why I came back early...
Missy, did you just say you've come back?
Yeah, three days ago.
Frank sent me to a hotel for another week.
He's trying out some kind of new exercise program at the house.
Oh, my goodness.
You should see what he's done to our bedroom.
[CLICK]
Hello? Hello?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Hello.
What?
I don't believe it.
If she's back, then Hart must've been free for the last three days.
Listen, call Judy right away.
If Hart's been doing what I think he's been doing, we've been had.
That's silly. I just brought him breakfast. He's tied up.
Or he's just pretending.
Look, you keep ahold of my gun.
I'm coming over. Sit tight till I get there.
[TIRES SCREECH]
Judy?
Judy.
He found your gun.
Wait a minute.
What happened to the time clock?
You retired it.
What does that mean?
Well, while you were away,
we managed to make a few changes.
Changes? What changes?
[TIRES SCREECH]
Holy shit.
What the hell is going on? Who authorized this?
You did, Mr. Hart. It's your signature.
What are all these people doing here? It's not even 9:00.
It's another of your programs.
It's called flexible hours.
People set their own time.
Some work 8:00 to 4:00
or 10:00 to 6:00 or 9:00 to 5:00.
Well, I'll put a stop to that. Let's go, girls.
Let's go.
Sir, it's working very nicely.
Less absenteeism. People really like it.
Oh, do they? Well, I hate it, and what I say goes.
Just keep going to my office.
Good morning, Violet. Here it is.
Oh, thanks, Eric.
Here are the invoices we've been waiting for. They're worthless now.
He's managed to put all that missing equipment
back into the warehouse.
Cost me a pretty penny to set it straight.
Well, you've won. You've trumped our ace.
So now what?
Oh, I'm sorry, Violet.
Why don't you sit down there?
I'm just getting ready to send you three bitches to jail.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
Hello.
What?
Who's here?
Jeez, I'll be right out.
And you better tell Hart.
What?
When?
Holy shit.
No, no. No problem.
Okay, right. Thanks.
What is it?
Tinsworthy's here.
Who's that?
Russell Tinsworthy, the goddamn chairman of the board.
He's here to meet with me.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
All right, just...
Violet, you've got to stand by me.
Holy shit, there he is.
Here's the man himself, Mr. Tinsworthy.
Franklin Hart.
Frank Hart. My boy, I would like to shake your hand.
And here is a, uh,
small token of my esteem.
Thank you, sir. It's an honor meeting you.
You know, I don't get up here very often.
But I keep tabs on the situation through Perkins.
And when I find a division
that shows a 20% rise in productivity
over a period of six weeks,
I want to meet the man who's responsible.
Huh, well, I... We all appreciate that.
You've managed to create a very, very splendid environment here.
Very livable, very personal.
Well, I find it very... I don't know.
The people seem to like it. [CHUCKLES]
Keep the crew happy and you can't go wrong, eh, Frank?
That's the idea, sir.
[CHUCKLES]
Mr. Tinsworthy's interested in
some of those other new programs of yours.
Uh-huh.
Like the job-sharing program.
Job-sharing.
A bold concept.
How's it working out?
Well, I think very well, sir.
Um... well, Violet.
Sorry, Mr. Tinsworthy. I'd like you to meet Violet Newstead.
She's my senior supervisor.
I'm very happy to meet you.
How do you do?
I've heard a lot of wonderful things about you.
Thank you.
Violet is my right arm around here.
In fact, Violet, explain to Mr. Tinsworthy the job-sharing situation.
It's been most effective, Mr. Tinsworthy.
Maria Delgado is a perfect example.
She shares her job with another worker
who takes over in the afternoon.
She does? I mean, she does.
Both women are happy,
and we couldn't be more pleased
with their performance.
So you pulled it off?
Well, I like to think we did.
Good. Like the day care center.
Day care center?
That reminds me, during the war,
I set up day care centers
in all the defense plants.
Glad you brought it back.
That's the idea. It...
The day care center...
Would you like to see it? It's just down the hall.
Thank you. I can see why Frank reposes such trust in you.
Ha, ha. Exactly.
Thank you.
Violet...
Our day care center has been open two weeks.
It's been wonderfully successful.
Really?
Yes, our working parents love it.
Oh, Mr. Hart. It's so good to see you again.
Who are you?
Don't you recognize me?
Margaret Foster.
The old lush?
Yes! That was me.
But thanks to the company's
alcoholics rehabilitation program you started, those days are over.
I'll never forget those wonderful letters of encouragement you sent.
[CHUCKLES]
God bless you, Mr. Hart.
Good to see you.
Doesn't she look great?
Hold this.
[VIOLET] When we transformed it, the cost was minimal.
It's cut down on absenteeism, and we loved doing it.
Well, Frank, I got to give you credit.
You really pulled it off.
That equal pay thing, though, that's, uh, got to go.
Oh, yes.
It's a good incentive,
but we don't need to keep on priming the pump.
I've been talking to Hinkle over here.
Here, take her.
And, uh, you're my kind of guy, Frank.
Creative, incisive, get the job done.
Right, sir.
Now, I want you to work with me.
Excuse me?
I need a man like you, Frank.
A Brazilian operation is just about to take off.
Brazil, sir?
You're going to love it down there.
You'll get a handsome bonus,
and you'll be doing me a big favor.
Yes, but, how can I move to Brazil?
Take a leave of absence. Right, Hinkle?
Anything you say, R.T.
We'll go upstairs and work this thing out.
My team needs you right away.
Mr. Tinsworthy, I appreciate this.
Teamwork, teamwork.
That's what it's all about, huh?
Go where you're most needed when you're most needed.
Mr. Tinsworthy, the jungle...
Hell, man! I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime.
Two or three years there, you'll never want to come back.
Two or three years?
Yeah, you'll love it down there.
Healthy climate.
Mr. Tinsworthy.
Hart!
Let me tell you one thing.
I ain't the kind of boy takes no for an answer. Yes, sir.
Brazil?
[LAUGHTER]
Did you see the look on his face?
I almost felt sorry for him.
We actually pulled it off.
And we didn't panic.
[LAUGHTER]
And Tinsworthy loved what we did.
Everything except that part about the money.
What'll we do about that?
We've come this far, haven't we?
This is just the beginning.
And here's to the beginning.
I'll drink to that.
To the beginning.
Monsieur Hart.
Holy merde.
[BELL RINGS]
Ah! God damn it!
♪ Working nine to five ♪
♪ What a way to make a livin ' ♪
♪ Barely gettin ' by ♪
♪ It's all takin ' and no givin ' ♪
♪ They just use your mind ♪
♪ And they never give you credit ♪
♪ It's enough to drive you ♪
♪ Crazy if you let it ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪
♪ For service and devotion ♪
♪ You would think that I ♪
♪ Would deserve a fair promotion ♪
♪ Want to move ahead ♪
♪ But the boss won't seem to let me ♪
♪ I swear sometimes ♪
♪ That man is out to get me ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪
♪ Yeah, they got you ♪ ♪ where they want you ♪
♪ There's a better life ♪
♪ And you think about it, don't you? ♪
♪ It's a rich man's game ♪
♪ No matter what they call it ♪
♪ And you spend your life ♪
♪ Puttin ' money in his wallet ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪
♪ What a way to make a livin ' ♪
♪ Barely gettin ' by ♪
♪ It's all takin ' and no giving ♪
♪ Want to move ahead ♪
♪ But the boss won't seem to let me ♪
♪ I swear sometimes ♪
♪ That man is out to get me ♪
♪ Nine to five ♪